BAD ADVICE: Weigh loss edition
Shed pounds, gain confidence.
Slimmer bodies, brighter lives.
Get lean, be seen.
Sculpt your body, sculpt your life.
Burn calories, ignite confidence.
Shape up, stand out.
Oooo! Inspiring, right? These sayings sound good and they’re not exactly false. Feeling like you look good is a confidence booster. Carrying less weight is energizing. Society does seem to reward people who fit a certain image.
So, what’s the problem?
The problem is on the inside. It’s how we tie our self-esteem to how we look, or how we think others perceive us. Image-based self esteem / self acceptance cheats us out of the longer lasting positive self esteem that comes from knowing and liking WHO we are.
But here’s what those slogans don’t tell you—losing weight doesn’t automatically fix the deeper issues. The bad habits, the uninformed choices, the lack of sustainable routines… they don’t just disappear. They linger in the background, waiting. Not to mention things that change over time, no matter what. LIke future loss of elasticity of the skin cells, inevitable illnesses and injuries that lead to weight gain. When your self acceptance is based on looking thin or muscular, etc… Once that is gone, the old struggle with self esteem returns, just when we could really use some self love (that comes from self acceptance!).
I know. I’ve been there.
In my late 40’s, I lost 70 pounds. I took up boxing, kickboxing, kettlebells, and weight training. I was in amazing shape. I felt unstoppable. I trained professionally (as a group fitness instructor) and privately (Kung Fu, Wing Chun, Sparring, practicing for classes.) I was unstoppable.
Until a very expectable occurrence happened. I got injured and with predictable bad timing, I got sick. Really, normal things. I took time off to rehabilitate and recover. It was long and hard. I gained weight. I’m sure we would all say there’s no shame in that!
However, I no longer felt like the strong, confident person I once was. Why? Because I had, without realizing it, tied my self-worth to my appearance and my physical abilities. I believed those sayings I used to yell over loud music. “WORK HARD PLAY HARD!” When those things changed it became difficult to not shame myself, or to feel confident around others in my field or with clients who came to me for professional help.
Making things worse was the fact that the type of big wins in body composition changes don’t come as easily the second time around. I had to rebuild—not just my body, but my mindset. I had to redefine what truly mattered to me. Not just what I said was important, but what my choices and actions actually reflected. That too takes time.
Now, my happiness and self-worth aren’t dictated by how others see me. Or by how many boxing sessions I can get in in a week. My choices are now evidenced by my actions and my abilities.. That’s how I can tell what’s REALLY important to me. I’ve found that knowing and loving me, is the best way forward. Because here’s what I know. Negative energy (misleading slogans) rarely motivates towards lasting change.
Repeating well-intentioned but misguided motivational sayings indicating that a person is better/acceptable/good because they LOOK good or because they work hard to look good… is temporary at best.. People are already worthy because they exist. Even that person who looks like they don’t “sculpt their body” or they don’t have a “brighter life” because they don’t have a “slimmer body”. Even if they don’t look like they “work hard” to look good.
Your actions, abilities and genetics will dictate how you look. How someone else looks is dictated by things that don’t concern you. Fight hard to love yourself and be healthy. Then fight hard to extend that love to others.
Let’s change “Look great, feel great” to things more like “Feel good, inside and out!”
